It's All About Them

I greatly enjoy coaching managers on developing their subordinates. When an executive asks me to help them coach more effectively, they usually expect assistance brushing up on skills and techniques. While skills and techniques are certainly important, I've discovered that the greatest leverage comes from focusing on mental preparation. In order to conduct a productive coaching conversation, the manager has to be in the right frame of mind.

The outcome of a coaching conversation is highly dependent upon the objective of the coach walking in to the conversation. For example, one of my client executives observed a manager berating one of their people. (For simplicity, I'll call the executive "Susan", the manager "Fred", and Fred's employee "George".) If Susan approaches Fred in order to give him negative feedback and get her concerns off her chest, the outcome will likely be exactly that: Susan will air her concerns, and Fred will hear negative feedback. In all probability, Fred will become defensive and seek to justify his comments to George. The focus on the conversation will be on Susan, the person delivering the message.

But coaching is not about the coach, it's all about the person being coached. When I'm most powerful as a coach, it's not about me - it's all about them.

How different the conversation would be if Susan focused on Fred. Then she might approach the subject by emphasizing that she wants Fred to succeed, and she's observed behavior that might prevent his success. Fred would be much more open to the possibility of change if he sees that she's got his best interests in mind.